Life is like Middle School

I've had my fair share of jobs for the time that I've had to have jobs....Whatever my point is that I've worked for more than one company and navigated through more random co-worker relationships than some. Through all that I've done; working with children, working with adults who act like children and working with dogs who act like...well dogs, I've come to realize that no matter what stage of life you are in or where you work there is something about what life was like in middle school that is still true and applicable to where you're at now. Remember that one person in middle school who thought it was funny to drop their backpack on you while you tried to open your locker? Well they are probably now that  one coworker who thinks it's okay to complain about how everyone's stuff is in their way. Or that one kid who always hated every teacher? Well they're probably the guy that always complains about their boss now.  Basically once you hit middle school you never leave. You move on to other places and other people but the issues are the same. And while that seems really depressing keep in mind that some of the silly things followed us out of middle school too. Take for example Taco Bell's "Five Buck Box." Just TRY ordering that without sounding like a chicken;

    

    "Hi Welcome to Taco Bell how can I help you?"

"Yes, I'll have the Five buck box."

      "I'm sorry what was that?" 

"The FIVE BOCK BOCS!!!"

 (Boc...Moo? How does that sound like a chicken?)

( Wait...those aren't even chickens....I don't get it)

So the next time you feel like you're stuck in middle school just remember there are some people who never grow up and act like adults and there are some people who never grow up and act like adults who work for advertisement companies and get stupid slogans stuck in your head. And if you want to act like a middle school kid then please choose to be the goofy kind of adolescent adult and not the mean kid that no one wants to be around.

House

Today was one of those days where I woke up and thought "Wow, I can't wait for the dentist office to open."  Ever had one of those days? No? Me either actually. I'm afraid of dentists like people are afraid of clowns for no real reason but still SCARY. Once they finally opened I called and got the earliest appointment I could. I figured they would scold me for not flossing properly. You see my gums hurt tremendously. Just OUCH. So I was expecting them to lecture me and clean my teeth and send me on my way with orders to "Floss like a ninja" ( not sure how flossing like a ninja is better than actually just flossing but I digress.)  What I got instead was "Well this isn't something that is normally seen so I'm going to go get another doctor just to see if they think what I'm thinking."  

Well that doctor brought ANOTHER doctor who also wanted to look. Nice. They referred me to a specialist for a biopsy. BIOPSY!!! Lucky for me he looked at it and said "Oh that's not something I would biopsy unless this stuff here doesn't seem to be doing anything for it." It was good to hear but I had to make another trip back to the first dentist to confirm the prescription. When I went back I had to speak to a coworker of his because he was at lunch and I was told, "Yeah I got to hear all about what's going on it seems like everyone got to look." I felt like a medical mystery one that needed to be solved by an expert all while being viewed by an audience. I now understand what a patient on the show House must feel like. Famous and yet in pain. Ah House...how do you do it?

Guy On A Buffalo

There are some things you just CAN'T make up. Take this for example:

And NO that is not a cousin of our 16th president. Although there is a strong resemblance in the chin.....hum.

Anyway check out the first four short episodes of this silly saga. 
(Be sure to click the picture!)

The Thing

The thing about blogging is that in order to post a new and interesting blog there have to be a few thing that fall into place at the same time. Fist you have to have an idea, then you have to like your idea enough to want to express it in a written form. Next you have to WANT to write it down or in this case go turn the computer on whilst you ignore your beeping microwave (I'll get my food when I'm darn good and ready! STOP beeping!) and then proceed to log in to the correct web address. Now if you have the idea and the will  you  then also have to have the time. (Again microwave I'll be with you momentarily.) So what I have discovered is that 'the thing' about blogging is pretty pictures can always fill the void and save readers from blog withdrawal. So I shall provide you with just such a picture. Enjoy: 

In this case the pretty picture is indeed "The Thing" and it still leaves you with some mystery. And that's The Thing. 

We'll Fix It

A few nights ago I was sitting at home and my dog hopped up onto the back of the couch and looked at me with the saddest puppy eyes I have ever seen.  She looked as though the boredom of another night watching stupid reality shows about stuck up teenagers was going to kill her. So I relented and took her for a ride in the car. We drove around, well I drove around and she stuck her head out the window the way that dogs do. 

 I stopped by to visit one of my friends at work and let the dog shed all over their work uniform. It was grand.  On my way back to the house I decided that I might as well hit up the drive through at a well known fast food chain and get a coffee. There were probably three cars in front of me so it didn't seem like it would take too long. Once it was my turn to order I pulled up, exchanged a rushed 'how are you' with the cashier and with confidence ordered a Carmel Mocha.  Unfortunately the cashier was being tongue lashed by a man two cars ahead of me....there probably was a lack of ketchup or something.

 He asked me to 'hang on a sec.' So I sat there not realizing that this was a hint of what would later be the most confusing drink order I'd ever placed. After a few minutes another voice with a thick Indian accent came over the speaker and apologized for the wait and took my order, "If everything on the screen is correct please pull forward the the first window."

'Yay!' I thought, 'Progress and the screen IS right so this'll be over soon.' When I pulled up to the window the original person I had spoken to said "You ordered a carmel frappe right?" I said yes because I was like 'well if that's what it's really called then okay, sure. The screen was right so...even if he said the wrong thing they should make the right drink.' Not so much. When I got to the next window I was asked if I ordered an "iced caramel mocha" ...

"No I didn't order ICED but if that's the drink you already made, they're the same price I'll just take it." 

"No! It's okay we'll fix it. Can you just go ahead and park your car???"

Not three minutes later she came out and walked over to my car and said "You wanted it HOT right??? Caramel Mocha HOT? Okay." 

So the dog and I sat and waited. And well then we waited some more.... About oh, 20 minutes later I got out of my car with my dog so they would see me. They did and they started laughing  as if they were like "OH crud we forgot!!!"  Shortly after someone came out and apologized for the 25 minute wait. She also handed me something extra as if to really apologize. Now in their defense they were absolutely swamped from the time they asked me to wait and the time they were actually able to fix my order. It was as if the entire metro area decided to go out for fast food and hit the drive through at that one location at the exact same time. 

When I got home I opened the little bag that they'd given me. It was two small apple pies. It was then that I was glad I hadn't gotten mad or yelled, after all they were busy and even though I don't like pie it does make everything better! Not really but I could tell they were really sorry. I mean they gave me free pie! Apology accepted.  

Rush Hour Cafe

Traffic Lite  - The same great routes but with half the cars.

Traffic Jam - A great addition to your breakfast toast. 

Traffic Congestion - Best served with yogurt and a good radio sation. 

Traffic Light - A fun mix of green, yellow and red. (Sorry we're out of green)

Truck Stop - The convenient way to stock up on shiny knickknacks.

Rest Area - No overnight camping. Served with fries.

In a Round About Way

I am suddenly aware of the fact that I am orbiting the sun. Orbiting is fun. I've been doing it my whole life!

Texas Radio

I was in Texas for over half a year last year and during my last three months there I found an amazing radio station that plays the National Anthem every weekday at 6am. They also play the Pledge of Allegiance at 7am. I randomly decided to listen to it online again today and it just so happened it was 6am in San Antonio. I seriously wish we had a radio station here that was even half easy to listen to. They play fewer commercials and have a better selection of songs not only from different years but they actually acknowledge that there are more than five major artists. Simply put they don't just play the top twelve songs over and over again and their DJ's don't talk to the point of "THAT'S IT!!! I'M GOING TO LISTEN TO MY IPOD!!!". Well played Y100. Well played, literally.

Anti Freeze Maybe?

It was a bright and sunny Friday morning...until a potato with wild eyes arrived on scene. And if I were to tell the tale it went something like this:

It was a rouge potato left to grow wild in jungle kitchen. It's only enemy was the knife. As these two kitchen giants clashed the battle that raged was fierce but in the end the potato's armor proved to be too weak. With one slice the knife went strait through and as it pierced the other side it found a new opponent, my finger. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Was the immediate cry that echoed throughout the house and sent the dog running for cover under the bed. My initial instinct was to wrap the cut and apply pressure and raise my arm above my head. My next thought was that I needed to visit my neighbor across the street because she's a paramedic. Unfortunately there was no answer. I went next door only to find the same results. I started to feel light headed and sat down for a second.  I came back across the street, there was one house left. After the ring of the bell the door opened only to reveal an individual who doesn't seem to handle social interaction well.

"I need help. I cut my finger and I'm bleeding really bad." There was a brief silence and then a reply that was less than comforting, "I...don't know what to do." Now as you read that you might have embeded your own emotion from the point of view of my neighbor. Let me help. There was no intonation. No fear. No panic. No sense of urgency or care. Just a simple, "I...don't know what to do." Flat. Like glass. 

I was slowly starting to realize I was alone in my pain. I went back inside where I called my roommate who is several hundred miles away. Why? Because you see my roommate is also an EMT. At first there was no answer to my calls. But after several jumbled texts, thanks to the speak to text feature on my phone 

( "finger in meetings wake me" & "wake me i'm getting my fingers." Only one text actually said "help me")

was there an answer. As I screamed what happened I was met with frustration about not being able to help and the advice that I needed to go to the hospital. I screamed that no one was home to take me and I couldn't drive and hold the cut at the same time.

Yes, I KNOW NOW that I could've grabbed tape and applied pressure that way...but were you here to tell me that? NO. Also I should mention this is only the 2nd time in my life I've ever been hurt bad enough to need stitches.  

I gave up. I needed help and there was only one person close enough to take me to the hospital without waiting 20mins for someone else to drive across town. I was too panicked to drive myself and I needed to leave. Looking back at this moment I am so grateful for my experience at basic training because it gave me the unique ability to panic and remain rational at the same time. I grabbed my ID and my keys and went back to the only neighbor home. This time when the door opened I said, "Will you take me to the hospital? Please. I can't drive and hold pressure at the same time." There was more hesitation and after one more "Please." (and lots of tears and obvious distress) he gathered his keys and we started out on our way. 

About half way there he said "We may have to pull over. My car has this weird mechanical thing." I looked at him and said "Oh don't pull over, I'm bleeding pretty badly" His replay, "We may have to. I don't want my engine to explode. Yeah we're gunna have to pull over." So we did. It was only for a minute or so but to me it might as well have been days.

I should point out that relative to where I live the hospital is only about a ten minute drive if traffic bad. Traffic was a non issue at this time of day so we could've been there in about five minutes. Once he pulled into the parking lot he stopped long enough to let me out and then left. Never was there any urgency in his demeanor until his engine was at risk.

I ended up needing five stitches and had some members of my unit come pick me up and help me out the rest of the day. So in the end my neighbor can't be blamed for being overly calm and hesitant because ultimately he got me to a place where I got the help I needed. The problem I'm having is how I'm going to thank him for his help.  I've only had one other interaction with him prior when I brought cookies over to his house to thank one of his roommates for ridding my house of a snake. The conversation was much like the one described privously: 

"Hi yesterday one of your roommates helped get a snake out of my house."

 "Okay."

 "So I brought some cookies to say 'thanks' but I'm going to need the plate back."

"Okay. So what do you want me to do?"

 "Well I put the aluminum foil under them so you can set them on the counter then bring the plate back."

"Now?"

".....(blinking)...Yes"

"Okay."

Keeping this in mind and the fact that his car has a problem (supposedly with heat) I was thinking that the best way to say thank you was...with anti-freeze maybe?

A Bright and Clever Name

Something just occurred to me. At the bottom of each post it says "Posted by" and then "LampLight." Turns out I was more creative than I originally intended to be. For those of you who are more observant than I am I hope you weren't concerned about the lighting conditions under which these words were posted. I assure you I can see the things around me with clarity. But in the event that it ever is too dark to post, fear not! I can always post by lamp light.

Education

Against your will you learn all the time. For example you see the picture below? Well when you click on it you will get to hear a beautiful rendition of The Periodic Table of Elements. Odds are you'll think it's catchy. Weather or not you actually take the time to memorize the song is up to you. However, it will most likely spring to mind at some random times throughout your day or week. I would venture to guess that it'll sneak up on you when you're doing something simple like checking out at your favorite shop and you eye the "Give a Penny Take a Penny" dish and it dawns on you that pennies are made with copper. It might also catch up to you while you're admiring the decor in your place of work (because office plants are meant to be admired) or you're at a nice restaurant and you see some metal art work.  Either way with out further ado The Element Song:

Now that you've learned I urge you to go check out another blog called Twenty. I promise you won't do any forceful learning there.  It's well written and starts you off with White and Nerdy by Weird Al.




Enjoy

Balloon

I don't really have much to update but this is a cute picture so you should be happy. Have a fantastic day!

Why Don't You Just TAKE the Money???

Dear Companies that genuinely value the MONEY consumers want to give you,

It would behoove you to change the the systems you've created to treat people like cattle that make it harder for people who aren't total idiots and who actually WANT to give you money. However, because you've decided you'd rather not face criticism from people that have legitimate points of concern or from total morons who simply don't understand your process you've made it more difficult for people who know exactly what they want but lack a direct way to put money into your account. This makes YOU the true moron, I hope you go broke.


For everyone out there who wants to talk to a real human try this: Get Human

The 80's

Ah the 80's. Lots of interesting things came out of the 80's; big hair, bad eye shadow, my little ponies, whatever these things are, synthesized music.....The NeverEnding Story the movie and this song that I've had stuck in my head for about two days. There was also the urge to get 'physical' and wear lots of spandex. I saw a comment from someone that said "Wish I could have seen the 80's with my own eyes, was born in '94."  It made me think that perhaps the only reason people are so intrigued with the 80's is because they can't imagine a time when Lady Gaga would have been just another face in the crowd instead of the out there original star she thinks she is. Remember Madonna, Cher and hair bands...strange before it was a statement. Anyway, I know none of this is new given the over 20 years we've had to process all that came out of the 80's. But now that you're thinking about that decade I bet you just can't stop yourself from hearing this over and over again. HAHAHA!! Sorry. Enjoy the rest of your day trying to get that out of your head and I'm not necessarily talking about the song alone but also the horrible images of bad spandex on people who shouldn't be allowed to wear bad spandex.

Today the Apostrophe '

Alright. I admit. I'm a teacher that doesn't fully understand the use of apostrophes ...'? ...when it comes to plural things. However I found a website that has a handy dandy poster that managed to be usefully confusing. Don't believe me???? Check it out. I also have a really hard time with commas, (not to be confused with llamas! Watch out they spit!). Don't worry though there are only 21 rules on this webpage. Rule 12 is my favorite.  Rule 14 is my weakness. ..... I know!!!! I'm sorry. Maybe if they'd spend more time teaching grammar instead of recess we'd all be less confused. Hum, but then we'd all be obese...maybe they could just start punishing corporations for enticing us to eat unhealthy food with toys. WAIT! They already do that. Shucks. All the ideas are already taken. But I seriously digress. What was this post even about? OH! That's right apostrophes. . . yeah I don't like apostrophes....'s.... whatever. I'm going to get a cheeseburger.

"Give it a HOTDOG!"

So last night there was a raccoon and some drunk people feeding it hot dogs...
Around 12:30am I was in my room thinking about getting up to get a midnight snack. Then I heard some people pounding their way up the stairs and clanking their way past my room. The whole time I could hear a woman saying 'Oh please don't get hurt, Don't ...careful...don't climb up on it, just don't get hurt." So I figured, "Huh drunk people..." It wasn't until I heard someone saying, "Give it a HOTDOG! Just give it a hotdog, it's not mean, go get a hotdog." Did I get curious enough to get dressed and go outside to see what was happening. In doing so I put my key in my jacket and opened the door just in time to see a guy handing a hotdog to a raccoon.... I took some pictures but because they're not very good I can't post them. But it looked like this except there was only one raccoon. Anyway,today when I left my room to go get something to eat I left my key in my jacket. Luckily I didn't make it very far before I realized that it was missing. So I went to the desk and got a third key, ('cause 2 wasn't enough to keep me from getting locked out.) Then on my way off base I saw about six people walking to the gate carrying/pulling/lugging all kinds of luggage. My first thought was, I wounder if they need a ride.  After I turned around to offer them a ride I realized that the lady with them was pregnant. Sheesh. All these people just driving bye watching them with all their stuff......oh well. The main point is I got something to eat and some people got a ride to the gate. To think it all started with a hungry raccoon and some drunk people.  If I hadn't gotten locked out I probably would have driven past where they were walking before they were even there. Good stuff.

Fallacious Ideas

Corrected.......... or at least better informed. But since that's probably too much reading you can also just go read some random comics. Starting with one about Cat Proximity.

Some Cool Ideas

These Ideas are from Kristine McKay Designs.

They have some super cool ideas and I saw this one and thought I'd share!

Made From Fabric Scraps ... Enjoy!

There are Days...

Normally service here is on Thursdays at 7 pm. This week due to graduations they moved it to Wednesday and for some reason I thought they also  moved it to 6 pm instead of 7 pm.... I showed up at 5:30. Ah those days when you think; "Why is no one here? What day is it? Hum...should I tell anyone that I'm so confused? I think I'll go take a nap."

Candy Headline News:

Pacman M&M eats squished M&M while green M&M chills off to the side.

The Light on the Second Floor

This is where the idea came from. This IS the light on the second floor.